I’m just sitting in a hotel room waiting for them to arrive and I have to say, I am beyond nervous.
Oh my, Kellan has just walked in – (just for the girls) he’s wearing faded blue jeans which are sitting on his hips, a white tee shirt and……no shoes! Omigod, my cleverly masked control is slipping because Kiera is with him and I am in awe.
She is absolutely beautiful. Kiera and Kellan are so stunning, they leave you breathless.
Griffin, large as life walks in, drops a few expletives, gives me a bear hug and sits next to them.
Jenny: Hi everyone thanks for taking the time out of your tour to talk to us. There are so many questions to ask, I don’t know where to start. Kiera it’s so nice to meet you, this is unexpected but I’m so happy you’re here
Kiera: (Blushing) I…can’t believe I’m here either. (Looks over at Kellan) I was told we were going out to eat.
Kellan:I said I had to make a quick pit stop first
Kiera: You didn’t mention that your “pit stop” was an interview. I thought we were just going to get your shoes back from Matt. (Looks confused) Why does Matt have your shoes anyway?
Kellan:(Glares over at Griffin) Because some nimrod thought it was funny to chuck ’em over the balcony
Griffin: (Smiling ear to ear) And it was funny. Did you see that tiny little dog peeing on one?
Kellan:You’re officially uninvited from dinner, Griff.
Griffin:No way, I’m coming with whether you want me to or not. I’m fucking starving.
Kiera: I apologize in advance for Griffin
Jenny:Kellan, can I ask you what bands influence your music and what you’re listening to at the moment?
Kellan:Oh, wow, that’s a tough one for me. I’m a lover of all music– (Griffin Interrupts) Even polka?
Kellan:(Ignoring Griffin) I grew up with classic rock—AC/DC, Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd (yay!!)—but I’m a huge fan of Linkin Park (yay), Hinder, Papa Roach, Seether. I’m easy to please.
Griffin:Yep, that’s what they say.
Jenny:Griffin/Kellan, what is your favourite song of all time?
Griffin:”Closer” by Nine Inch Nails. It’s my theme song.
Kellan::You have a theme song…really?
Griffin: Doesn’t everybody? (Eyes Kellan up and down) Yours should be “I suck and Griffin’s the Man”
Kellan:(Sighing) Why did I invite you along?
Griffin: Because, like I said, I’m the Man
Kellan: God, this is going to be a long interview.
Jenny: Kellan are you ever going to get an Ipod? Kiera, I think you need to buy him one.
Kiera: (Simultaneously with Kellan) Yes. (Looks over to Kellan) It’s time,
Jenny: Sorry Kellan, I’m with Kiera here – it’s time and you’d love it!
Kiera. (Places her hand on his knee) There’s no need to be afraid. I’m right here with you, holding your hand.
Kellan:I’ve turned you into such a smart ass. (Suggestively runs his eyes down her body) I like it. (whoa….hot!!)
Jenny:How’s the tour going? Have the audiences been receptive to the D-Bags?
Kellan:Unbelievably receptive. Blows my mind. In my head we’re just this obscure band from a small bar in Seattle. Having so many people supporting us, rooting for us…it’s just crazy. I’ll never get over it.
Griffin:Pfft…I knew we were gonna be huge. Chicks dig us. I’ve been flashed four hundred and thirtyseven times already. (ummmm impressive??)
Kellan:You’re keeping track?
Griffin:(Pulls score counter out of his pocket, shows it to Kellan and looks over at Kiera) Kiera, want to make it four hundred and thirty eight?
Kiera: No, Griffin, I really don’t.
Jenny:Have there been any crazy fan stories you can share?
Griffin:None that I can legally talk about, no.
Jenny: Oh I can just imagine!
Kellan: Uh, nothing too crazy. (Starts laughing) Just your typical request to autograph sex toys from a couple of girls that snuck onto the bus. (what tha??)
Kiera: Wait, what? I didn’t hear about sex-toy wielding intruders?
Kellan: (Still laughing) I’ll tell you later
Jenny: How are you handling this rise to fame?
Kellan: (Frowns) It…hasn’t been easy. (Shares a look with Kiera.) We’re doing the best we can.
Griffin: It’s fucking awesome. I highly recommend it.
Jenny: Kiera, how do you cope with the female fans who follow Kellan.
Kiera: I think my answer depends on this little “sex-toy” story that he hasn’t told me about yet.
Kellan:It was in Dallas. She was hiding in the bathroom on the bus. Scared the shit out of Evan. It was hilarious
Kiera: Oh…is that why he won’t go in there until someone checks it out first?
Kellan: Yeah (Starts laughing again)
Griffin: Dude, Kell, next stop, let’s go to a sex shop and load up on dildos. We’ll start sticking them all over the bus. It will freak Evan the shit out! (Kellan and Griffin dissolve into laughter)
Kiera: (Struggling not to laugh) Well, I guess, a good sense of humor has helped me deal with the fans. (Wipes eyes). It also helps to be here. To see it all. (Gazes at Kellan) And I can certainly understand why the fans love him so much.
Jenny: We sure do Kiera! Griffin/Kellan, who gets the most attention in a band, the lead singer or the guitarist
Kellan: Uh– (Griffin Interrupts) Do you really need to ask that? I mean, come on, take a fucking look at me. I kick everyone’s asses on a daily basis.
Jenny: Do you see yourselves doing a world tour down the track and more specifically, would you come to Perth (please say yes) if so, be sure to bring The Boss, I owe her a Vodka and you know she’s addicted to Tim Tams!
Kellan: Oh yeah, we’re definitely heading down under!
Griffin: Dude, you just said down under. (Smirks) I was just there an hour ago.
Kiera: Griffin! God, you’re disgusting
Kellan: Anyway, yes, at some point we plan on visiting Australia, among other countries.
Griffin: (Snorts) Down under
Jenny: Kellan, would you get another tattoo and if so where? Griffin same question to you.
Kellan: No, there’s nothing else I want on me
Griffin: I think I’m going to get a junk tatt
Griffin: What? It’s awesome. You’ll only get to see all of it if I really like you. (Wiggles eyebrows suggestively)
Kiera: (To Kellan) Can you leave him at home next time?
Kellan: It’s like you can read my mind
Jenny: Kellan, where did you get the idea for the notes you left Kiera when you went on tour last time?
Griffin: (Smacks Kellan’s arm) You left her love notes? Dude! Should I grab Kiera’s purse before we head out so you can get your balls back?
Kellan: (Ignoring Griffin) I just wanted to make sure she knew how I felt
Kiera: (Kisses his shoulder) It was very sweet – (these two are just adorable)
Jenny: Kiera, did you just melt when you kept finding those notes (I know the whole female population did)
Kiera: (Turning bright red) Wow, these questions are turning really personal. Um, (Bites lip) yeah, of course. Who wouldn’t? (Griffin raises one hand while pretending to jack off with the other)
Jenny: Kellan, do you need someone to look after your baby while you’re on tour – because I would offer – always wanted to go for a joyride in the Chevelle
Kellan: Uh, no. She’s locked up tight…where no one can get to her. But thank you for the offer. (you can’t blame me for trying)
Jenny: Kellan, are you enjoying having Kiera on tour with you and does it relax you more having her there
Kellan: Yeah, it’s been great having her with me. We’ve sort of made a little home for ourselves on the bus, and we each have our own things to keep us occupied. (Griffin makes bed-squeaking noises. Kellan frowns at him.) It’s been nice.
Jenny: Griffin, are you excited at the prospect of becoming a father and do you have any advice for other ‘would be’ fathers out there?
Griffin: Uh, yeah– ( My friend Lori is with me for moral support and she has a gift for Griffin. Griffin’s just opening it. Wow, this is so awkward. It’s a pair of knickers! Why does she have to encourage him?)
Griffin: Fuck yeah, awesome!
(Lori and Griffin are having some sort of sign language conversation – she just wants to ask a couple of questions – I’ll have to let her or we’ll never get this finished. Go ahead Lori, if you must!)
Lori Kiera – I’m sure being on the road with the guys, you’re seeing and hearing a lot of “interesting” things. So I’m curious to know, as an author, are you finding a lot of inspiration?
Kiera: More than I ever thought possible. (Smiles over at Kellan) I’m actually the most inspired when I watch him on stage. He’s…something else. (sigh….)
Lori: Kellan – When it comes to writing a song… what or who is your biggest inspiration?
Kellan: (Looks down) Uh, for my earlier stuff, it was just life in general, the ups and the downs. (Looks back at Kiera) I think it’s pretty obvious who has been inspiring me lately, though (I think I just fainted!)
Griffin: God, if this gets any sappier, I’m so outta here.
Lori Griffin – After reading Effortless my love for superheroes changed, I’m now a big fan of the Hulk… who’s your favorite?
Griffin: Ah, Lori, I’ve managed to turn everyone I’ve ever met into a Hulk fan.
Kiera: Not everyone, Griffin
Griffin: (Sniffs) You just haven’t given me the opportunity yet, Kiera
Griffin: Just joking, man. Relax. To answer your question, Lori, I’m a big fan of Cat Woman. (Grins) A giant pussy wrapped in skin tight leather? What’s not to love? (no comment)
Kiera: Griffin! Small children might read this interview!
Griffin: Pussycat, Kiera. It’s a technical term
Kellan: It really isn’t, Griffin
Griffin: Whatever. I didn’t mean it like you guys thought. (Jerks thumb at Kellan and Kiera) They always have their minds in the gutter. It’s embarrassing. (Smirks)
Jenny: Lori, I can’t believe you just asked that!
Lori: *Shrugs* What? I couldn’t help myself and I’m sure I’m not the only one who wants to know”
Jenny: “Why did I let you come in here again?”
Jenny: Sorry about that, where were we? Can you tell us your most embarrassing experience (mine was watching Griffin unwrap Lori’s present)
Griffin: Nothing embarrassing ever happens to me.
Kellan: Uh, I’ve said some really, really stupid stuff when I’ve been drunk…yeah, I don’t even want to go there.
Kiera: Smart move.
Kellan: Yeah…beautiful day today, isn’t it? (good save!)
Jenny: We’ve been told that SC is writing a book another book about you all, any idea when that might be available or what it will be called?
Kellan: She won’t tell me yet. She just says she’s over halfway through it, and it’s starting to really come together. I’m taking that as a good sign. Oh, God, the title, though. She’s driving me crazy with that one. Every five minutes she’s tossing another ‘less’ word at me, trying to get my opinion. I told her to just title it TL3.
Kiera: Titles are tricky. I sympathize with her.
Griffin: How about Kellanless? It could be an “all Griffin, all the time” book .(ahhh no thanks)
Kiera: Well, then it would need to be named Classless or Tasteless (boom!)
Griffin: Or Suckless. (Scrunches brow) Wait, no, that’s not good. (not touching that one!)
Kiera: (To Kellan) Please stop him. (Kellan smacks the back of Griffin’s head)
Jenny: Good luck with the tour and thanks so much for your time, we really appreciate it.
Kellan: Thank you for having us. We really appreciate it (swoon)
Griffin: Any fucking time! (Smells underwear from Lori) Now, let’s go eat! (ewwww)
Kiera: Thank you. That wasn’t nearly as embarrassing as I thought it would be. (Leans in) And again, I apologize for Griffin (Kiera is divine! Could I love her anymore?)
Saying our goodbyes, we all hug (yes, Kellan hugged me….I think I just died)!